CINDERFELLA
At our house, or, truthfully, at the house my wife lets me live in, I do all the chores - throw out the garbage, do the dishes, drop off and pick up the dry cleaning, do the grocery shopping, walk the dog, pick up after the dog, talk to the dog when my wife ain't talkin' to me. I am the hired help, except no one's paying me. I work for free and sexual favors. Okay, mostly for free.
I am the man's version of Cinderella. I am...Cinderfella. For example, let's say a few of my buddies invite me to our local sports bar to hang. When I was single, it would have been a no brainer, meaning I would have gone to the bar, drunk until I had no brain, enjoyed the game and made a new friend named Candy. I would have gone home only if and when I wanted to. Things work a little differently now that I am married. If I dare leave the castle, I have to earn the right, prove that my venture out is worthy. I must promise the royal highness to return with treats for our dog and frozen yogurt for her. I need clearance; a permission slip. So I head into the Princesses chambers (aka our/her bedroom) but before I can request a little time off for good behavior, say three hours or so, she warmly smiles and says,
"Oh sweetie, perfect timing. America's Next Top Model is about to start. Wanna order food and invite my mom over? Oooh, and guess what? The new Crate and Barrel catalogue is here. They have new chaise lounge chairs. Wanna see them?
So I say not unless the top models are on them, waitin' to do me!
Note to self: Make sure brain and mouth take a meeting before I speak again.
FYI from the FMG -
Flowers for her: $200.00
Ladies Special Spa Package: $500.00
Watching ESPN alone on the couch: Priceless.
Remember that my mission here at the Frustrated Married Guy Newsletter is to let other married men know that:
a) we are not alone, and that,
2) as much as I love to shoot the shit about the latest scores, there needs to be
a place where we can talk... really talk... about the stuff that men never get to
talk about.
This newsletter is that place.
Here Are Some Trick Questions She Might Ask You:
1. The obvious one: Do I look fat in this? But men remember that woman are trickier, sneakier, or even more complicated than that.
Note: If you are a single man and smart enough to log onto this FMG Newsletter in advance so you won't be as shell shocked as I was when you finally take that the plunge down the aisle, good for you! All this crap, I mean, advice can easily apply to non married women as well.
2. Which of my close girlfriends would you like to see naked?
3. If you got free tickets to the Laker game on my birthday, and I already had tickets to see Wicked, what would you do?
4. When you are alone and I am out of town, who are thinking about? no, really....
MEN: BE WARNED. THERE ARE NO GOOD ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS.
Do you have FMG stories of your own? Send them to us. We won't tell your wife. We swear.
FMG NEWS
UPCOMING SHOWS: MAY 30, JUNE 6, 12, 19, 26
LOCATION: ICE HOUSE IN PASADENA,CALIFORNIA. COMEDY STARZ
Danny will also be shooting his new web series titled Frustrated Married Guy with Working Bug Media on June 18, 2009. Check them out at www.workingbug.com
AND FINALLY DANNY WOULD ALSO LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT HE AND HIS WIFE LAURA ARE EXPECTING A BABY GIRL IN OCTOBER!!!!!!
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